Expectations

"My daughter wants to be a doctor; she just doesn't know it yet," exclaimed a parent sitting in my office.

As parents, we want the best for our children.  We want to know that they will be able to get an education, support themselves, provide for their future families, and enjoy retirement one day.  So it is no wonder that we develop certain desires or expectations for them, expectations that often go far beyond what we were able to do ourselves.  Problems arise, however, when those goals have more to do with us than they do with our children.

I know this story firsthand. Because I was unable to finish my master's degree,  I was adamant that my own daughter pursue her master's degree and PhD.  Even more important, every time she mentioned wanting to be a teacher, I frowned and pointed out all the other paths she might take instead.  Looking back on it now, I realize that my concern regarding her career path was much more about me than it was about her.

After several years of working on the student affairs side of higher education, last August she finally got her dream job teaching high school history.  She knew better than I what she wanted, and more important, she knew she had the talent to be an excellent teacher.  I've never seen her happier! Why did I ever doubt her?

So as I begin my junior conferences this spring and listen to parents discuss where they want their daughters to go, what they want them to study, or what career they should pursue, I can't help but wonder.  Is that dream school their daughter's, or is it theirs?  Is the bumper sticker for bragging rights in the coffee klatsch or at the cocktail party? Does she really want to be a doctor?

Many years ago a parent did make the statement "my daughter wants to be a doctor, but she just doesn't know it yet," but I am quite happy to report that the young woman did not go to medical school.  Like my daughter, she pursued her own dream career and created her own goals and expectations.  I hope all my students will be that lucky.