Parents: Are you ready for the college process?

Forbes.com recently posted an article written by a colleague of mine. Titled "Take the PSAT: Parent Student Assistance Test," it is a short quiz designed to see how prepared parents are for the college process. One question, however, particularly caught my eye because parents often struggle with the idea. To paraphrase question #6, "How will you react when you hear that another student - your neighbor, your best friend's son, or even someone you barely know - gets in and your daughter doesn't?

College admissions is rife with rumors.  Mary got into Georgia, and her ACT was lower than my daughter's.  My dentist's son was admitted to Vanderbilt, but his GPA and test scores are so much lower than my daughter's best friend.  I heard that a student at another high school got in because she insisted on an interview.  The rumors go on and on and on.

The reality is that you will never know all the details.  As the author of the article states, unless you were on the admissions committee, you do not know why a student was accepted or rejected.  In fact, in most cases you don't actually know another student's GPA or test scores; you only know what someone else told you they were.  News flash: people will fudge on those numbers. You also haven't read the essays or the recommendations, and you don't necessarily know what the college is looking for (more boys? more language majors? more cellists?). Yes, someone with lower test scores might have have been admitted when your child wasn't, but you will never know the real reason. Frustrating, isn't it?  I know it is, but as one highly selective college dean once told me, "College admissions is not a meritocracy."

Maybe the real frustration is that as parents, you don't have control over the admissions process.  You can help your daughter choose what you think are the right classes or the right activities, help her polish her interview skills or write a professional resume, enroll her in a test prep class, but once the application is submitted, you have no control over the outcome.

The bottom line is this.  Instead of trying to make herself into what she believes a college is looking for, your daughter will be much better served if she is her best self and then looks for a college that will appreciate her for who she truly is.  And then as hard as it may be, ignore the gossip.