The Often Difficult Transition to College

Almost every high school senior I've ever talked to believes she is ready to go to college - and sooner than later. Quite frankly I'd be worried if seniors didn't feel prepared to leave.  None of them, however, really know what this next phase of their life will be like, and as the authors of the book College of the Overwhelmed (The Campus Mental Health Crisis and What To Do About It) state, "In college, the model for living changes."  Or to paraphrase what a colleague once said, no matter what you think it's going to be, it won't be that.

This is one of the reasons we have our annual Separation Seminar (tomorrow night @ 6:30pm, in fact).  Many students leave high school with a very strong sense of who they are, their values, and their goals.  College, however, is wonderfully full of other students who don't necessarily share your children's views.  Sorry Mom and Dad, but your daughters will most likely be challenged to question everything you've taught them, and believe it or not, that's not always a bad thing.  Many of these new people and experiences will call into question the person your daughter believes she is, but they can also provide her with an opportunity for genuine personal growth and understanding of other cultures, religions, and political viewpoints.

Here's another reason the college transition can be tough.  Some students view college as a chance to be someone different, to shed their high school persona, if you will. While that can be liberating, it can also be difficult because they are still carrying that person (and perhaps the accompanying baggage) with them when they go.  Likewise, the student whose identity is wrapped up in her high school activities can also experience difficulties because she's got to start all over again.  I remember one returning alum commenting that because she was so well known at GPS, it came as quite a shock when no one cared that she had been a "big deal" in high school.

For girls in particular, personal relationships are very important in college.  Many students have come back to GPS during their freshman year worried that they haven't made the close friendships like they had here. Of course, it took them six to seven years to develop those friendships, and they've only been in college for a couple of months!  That need for connection, approval, and belonging can lead to questionable decisions down the road, and that's where we don't want them to go.

Parental expectations can also muddy the transition waters.  I know that many of my students call a parent several times during the day, not with any particular information, but just to check in with them.  College is also about developing some independence, and parents who expect a report about every occasion or who expect to see their daughters frequently are not helping them become autonomous individuals. Parents often expect students to share the same professional goals.  I often tell the story of the parent who told me, "My daughter wants to be a doctor; she just doesn't know it yet."  She is not a doctor, by the way, but the burden of living up to someone else's expectations can make the college experience even more stressful.

Tomorrow night's conversation  at the Separation Seminar will only be a beginning.  We really hope that what follows will be an honest dialogue that lasts long after the program ends.