No, not the end of the world. The end of the college application season. With only a few exceptions, my students will have all of their college applications completed by December 1, and then a new kind of waiting game will begin. What will they think of me? Will they like me? Will I get in? For some girls, it feels like a judgment of sorts, and that is one of the things I dislike most about this process.
Yesterday I tweeted (@gpscollge) a link to an article titled "4 ways to deal with college admissions competition." I've seen that tension that often develops between friends. I've seen them compare themselves with each other, and more than once I've heard a girl say "I'll never get in, because she's applying too." One senior even recently admitted that she felt like this decision will define her worth as a person. That comment broke my heart.
One of my favorite columnists, Ellen Goodman, once wrote a column titled "Rite of Passage to Adulthood," and her comments have stuck with me for many years. "Getting into college," she wrote, "bears all the markings of a tribal rite of passage. There are the required number of tests, ritual markings, grueling tasks for the young to perform. They must go through the interviews and applications, the SAT's and achievement tests, the endless questions from adults: Where do you want to go?"
She continues, "These acceptances that come by mail are not some final, or even critical, judgment. Those of use who have been through other seasons know that. But they come at a vulnerable moment, at the edge of adulthood, when the young are just about to become full-fledged owners of their own lives. For the first time, inseparable friends opening those envelopes may feel the chill of distance. For the first time, a class of mates may really understand how our world tries to subdivide their future. So this rite of passage also tests friendship against competition in the raw form of the adult world. It's one way we come of age, a hard way."
Some admissions decisions are already trickling in, and the next few months will be filled with great joy and real disappointment. No matter what I say, the bad news will still sting, and it will feel oh so personal. I hope my girls will one day understand that it really isn't a rejection of them as a person, but I also know that for now, it will still hurt.
Years from now, I believe it will all make sense. Where you go to college, as I also tweeted recently, is not a life or death decision. What is important is what you make of your experience when you get there. And that will be totally up to you.
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