When you don't get in...

"They are waiting for acceptance. Or for rejection. Somewhere in an unfamiliar room in a distant town, a committee of strangers is passing judgment on these high-school seniors.  Yes or no. In or out. Acceptable or unacceptable."

Those lines are from a column by Ellen Goodman I read many years ago, and it still reflects the anxiety that many seniors are feeling as they wait to hear about their college decisions.  For some of them, this is the first time the answer is "no."  It may be the first time someone will not let them have the one thing they so desperately wanted.  There is very little we can say to make a rejection not hurt so much.  No matter what I say, I'm not going to be able to explain it to a girl's (or her parents) satisfaction. 

This is the only part of my job I don't like.  I understand how hard these girls have worked.  I know the sacrifices they and their parents have made; after all, I watched my own daughter work her way through GPS, and with her, I experienced a rejection letter first-hand.  Like every parent, I wanted the best for my daughter (and still do), and I was almost incredulous that a college wouldn't find her as smart and creative and interesting as I did. 

Although students, including my daughter, don't want to hear it, rejection is a part of life.  As a parent, you cannot shield them from every disappointing life experience, and if they haven't already, at some point, they will have to hear the word "no." And it will be okay. 

That's the real lesson here: it will be okay.

My daughter went on to another college, and she loved it. In fact, she loved college so much, she just keeps going back.  She promises that this is her last go-around, but I doubt it.  Even when she finishes this final degree, I suspect she will return from time to time, if only to take a class in something that has always fascinated her. I haven't asked her, but I think she has forgotten all about that rejection letter. I believe she has found her calling, at least for now.  She just got there by another route.  More important, she is happy, and in the end, that is all that matters to me.